On tattletales, Santa and the afterlife

M: "Michelle says she will tell Santa who is naughty and he'll bring them a sack of potatoes for Christmas. C'mere, I'll show you who is getting a sack of potatoes." (pointing out kids in his class picture) Steven, Michael, Ryan, TP, the other Michael ... they're all getting a sack of potatoes for Christmas. Michelle says."

Me: "Michelle doesn't actually have that kind of sway with Santa. If I remember my Santa myth, from years and years of watching Christmas specials, I think Santa makes that decision with maybe a little help from each kid's parents. But not Michelle."

M: "Yeah, totally ... Santa, parents and Georgina decide who gets a sack of potatoes."

Me: "Georgina? You mean Georgia? Josie's mommy?"

M: "Nah, Georgina, Ryan's sister."

Me: "Ryan has a sister? I didn't know that."

M: "Yeah, Ryan got out of his mommy's tummy, but Georgina couldn't get out and she died and now she's a star in the sky and she watches us ... wait a minute (starting to laugh) ... are you crying?!?"

Me: "I am. That's incredibly sad. To lose a child is the saddest thing that can happen."

M: "Nah, it's totally not. People die and they become beautiful stars and they're really happy."

On discovering new old worlds

While reading a story of paleontologists on a dig, 

"Are there still dinosaur bones to be discovered."

"I think there is still so much to be discovered."

"Do paleontologists still exist?"

"They do."

"Then I'm going to be a paleontologist. Sorry, Benjamin. I don't want to be a builder anymore."

On seasonal confusion

Crying after waking up Halloween morning to pouring rain and thunder ...

"Oh no! We won't be able to go trick-or-treating in the rain!"

"Rain on Halloween is more common than no rain on Halloween in America. We'll totally still go trick-or-treating."

"NoooOOOOooooo, my Robin costume will get all wet!"

On working out

On the way things work

"Hey, Mateo, why does Jimmy Giggle take a nap if it's night time and he's already in his pajamas? Why doesn't he just go to bed?"

"Mommy, come sit by me."

"Dude, are you ignoring my question?"

"Well, I don't know why a lot of things ... like why does water float, why to trees move like that in the wind, why metal is hard ... I just don't know. I'm just a kid. "

On conscientious eating

"What do you think, should we have fish or chicken for dinner."

"Fish. ... Hey, mommy, do you know why I don't eat so much the chicken?"

"No. Why?"

"Because we have chicks at daycare and I don't want to accidentally eat one of their mommies or daddies."

"That sounds reasonable. Do you still eat butter chicken?"

"Oh yeah, of course I still eat that."

On choosing a life partner

"I'm going to get married."

"Yes, you probably will."

"Do you want me to tell you who I'm going to marry?"

"You already know? But you're just four. I didn't know I was going to marry Benjamin until I was almost 40."

"Yeah, well, Josie and Stephen are already married and they're just four."

"Uh, who says they're married?"

"Oh, everyone just knows it. I'm going to marry Millie."

"Does Millie know this."

"Yeah, I told her."

"You told her? You mean you asked her?"

"Nah, I told her in a whisper."

"How do you think she feels about that?"

"Oh, she'll be fine with it."

On ergonomics

"Mommy, I need an office, we can put it in the living room. And I know what can be my desk ... the little table I usually use for painting. We'll put it in the living room and I'll get my texters, but I'll only need one. And I'll need paper that's all connected at the top and when I finish my work on each page, I'll go 'flip, flip, flip' and it will all stay there, just turned over. Okay, mommy? Can you get that for me?"

On boy wizards

"How do you feel when someone says you look like Harry Potter?"

"It makes me feel shy of myself. 
... Mommy, wizards aren't real. I'll tell you all the Halloween things that are real ... pumpkins, spiders, bats, witches hats, skeletons. Skeletons are the bones walking around inside people."

"So, wizards aren't real, but witches are?"

"Yeah, wizards just have pretend spells and stuff."

"What do witches do?"

"Witches LOOOOOve to eat stinky stuff. And that's all."

On sand, sea and salt air

During dinner ...

Me: "While the boys were playing, Louisa told me about their trip. They just got back from Phuket. They've been to Bali several times, but this was their first trip to Thailand. She said it was nice ... nice people, great food, good snorkeling ... , but mostly she loved having three weeks of just the three of them spending time together with no plans or commitments or obligations. They would get up and walk out on the beach and just be."

M: "Waitaminutewaitaminutewaitaminute. You mean there are hotels on the beach? We've gotta do that. Seriously. I need to stay in a hotel on the beach."

On space travel

"Mommy, I love you so much, I could rocket blast to the moon on it."

On marriage

While studying the invitation to a princess birthday party ...

"There are a lot of pretty things on this card."

"Princesses tend to like pretty things. They're a bit famous for it. You know what else princesses like? Princes."

(ha ha) "Yeah, they totally like princes best of all. I haven't told you this mommy, but princesses like to marry princes."

"That's interesting. Where did you learn that."

"Oh, you know ... they do all that fighting to save princesses, then the princesses want to marry the princes. The dragon steals the princess, the prince fights fights fights with his sword and saves the princess, and they get married. That's how it happens."

On career choices

"I want to learn to play the drums, so I need you to get me a drum with a strap that goes behind my head and has lines that go up down up down and two sticks. And I need you to get me a real toy drum not a drum that Benjamin makes me, because Elmo has a real toy drum, not a drum his dad made him and it has lines that go up down up down. Okay mommy?"

"We can add it to the list of things you want."

"And I want drums that go all around me and two cymbals to go here and here for smashing and then I'll drum like this ... <insert extremely well practiced, but still wild, air drum solo here>. Okay, mommy?"

"Wow, you've been working on that. Why the drum? Any particular reason?"

"Oh, I just think they'll be easy to learn. And cool."

"Maybe you'll decide to be a rock star when you grow up."

*giggling* "No, I'm going to be a police officer and arrest robbers who rob people of things. And put them in robber jail. ... No, I'm going to be Robin when I grow up and catch all the baddies."

"But isn't Robin the Boy Wonder?"

"Yeah ... when I grow up to be a teenager, I'll be Robin, and when I grow up all the way, I'll be a police officer."

On falling in love

whispering "Mommy, next time I see Bella, I'm going to ask if it's okay if I fall in love with her."

Having lived my life by the "I'm gonna make you love me" motto, the notion of asking the object of one's affection for permission to fall in love with them seemed both incredibly polite and brilliant. With the potential to save oneself from all the messiness of unreturned love. 

When I grow up, I want to be four.

On footy day

"I'msoexcited!!! Tomorrow is footy day!! Footy day is my favourite day of all."

"Really? Wow. Even more than your birthday?"

"Weeelll, not more than my birthday. My birthday is my number one favourite day and footy day is my number two favourite day. Because it's so AWWWWE-some."

"Even more than Christmas?"

"Yes. Christmas is my number three favourite day. What are you going to wear for footy day tomorrow, mommy?"

"Oh, it's not footy day at Aluminium Industries, only at your day care."

"Yeah, but you could still wear something that's one of the Doggies colours. You could wear what you're wearing now. It's blue and blue is one of the Doggies colours."

"But I wore this to work today."

"Oh that's easy. Just wash it tonight and wear it again tomorrow. I do that all the time."

"Uh, no thanks. I'm not going to do that."

"You could wear your dress with the flowers. That's red and red is one of the Doggies colours. Plllleeeease, mommy, for me?"

"Okay, come on, let's go pick out what I'll wear tomorrow."

On Christmas

"Mommy, yes or no, is Santa Claus real?"

"Uhhh, what do you think?"

"I think he isn't real. He's just a guy with two black boots, a red suit and a red hat that lives at the north pole. And the reindeer can't fly."

"Do you think he travels around the world delivering presents on Christmas Eve?"

"Yes, because the reindeer can swim. He isn't magic. But the Easter Bunny, he's magic. I think he lives in the east, because, you know east ... Easter Bunny. And, he comes early in the morning, with the sun, to give me chocolate and the sun rises in the east."