On the fine art of authoring a book on a subject you know nothing about

On tattletales, Santa and the afterlife

M: "Michelle says she will tell Santa who is naughty and he'll bring them a sack of potatoes for Christmas. C'mere, I'll show you who is getting a sack of potatoes." (pointing out kids in his class picture) Steven, Michael, Ryan, TP, the other Michael ... they're all getting a sack of potatoes for Christmas. Michelle says."

Me: "Michelle doesn't actually have that kind of sway with Santa. If I remember my Santa myth, from years and years of watching Christmas specials, I think Santa makes that decision with maybe a little help from each kid's parents. But not Michelle."

M: "Yeah, totally ... Santa, parents and Georgina decide who gets a sack of potatoes."

Me: "Georgina? You mean Georgia? Josie's mommy?"

M: "Nah, Georgina, Ryan's sister."

Me: "Ryan has a sister? I didn't know that."

M: "Yeah, Ryan got out of his mommy's tummy, but Georgina couldn't get out and she died and now she's a star in the sky and she watches us ... wait a minute (starting to laugh) ... are you crying?!?"

Me: "I am. That's incredibly sad. To lose a child is the saddest thing that can happen."

M: "Nah, it's totally not. People die and they become beautiful stars and they're really happy."

On discovering new old worlds

While reading a story of paleontologists on a dig, 

"Are there still dinosaur bones to be discovered."

"I think there is still so much to be discovered."

"Do paleontologists still exist?"

"They do."

"Then I'm going to be a paleontologist. Sorry, Benjamin. I don't want to be a builder anymore."

On seasonal confusion

Crying after waking up Halloween morning to pouring rain and thunder ...

"Oh no! We won't be able to go trick-or-treating in the rain!"

"Rain on Halloween is more common than no rain on Halloween in America. We'll totally still go trick-or-treating."

"NoooOOOOooooo, my Robin costume will get all wet!"

On working out

On the way things work

"Hey, Mateo, why does Jimmy Giggle take a nap if it's night time and he's already in his pajamas? Why doesn't he just go to bed?"

"Mommy, come sit by me."

"Dude, are you ignoring my question?"

"Well, I don't know why a lot of things ... like why does water float, why to trees move like that in the wind, why metal is hard ... I just don't know. I'm just a kid. "

On conscientious eating

"What do you think, should we have fish or chicken for dinner."

"Fish. ... Hey, mommy, do you know why I don't eat so much the chicken?"

"No. Why?"

"Because we have chicks at daycare and I don't want to accidentally eat one of their mommies or daddies."

"That sounds reasonable. Do you still eat butter chicken?"

"Oh yeah, of course I still eat that."